I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hippo gnu deer
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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