Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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