Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I met the friendliest cop last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
