You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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