Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think i have two assholes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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