Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
