I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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