omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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