video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
