I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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