There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
