I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
