my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
