I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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