i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
