I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Couch. On fire.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
