Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
NoShamevember. You game?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
