omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
