the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
