I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
