Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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