Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
