hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
