I love black thongs
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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