Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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