I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
