No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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