Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
