I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
