i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
