I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
