I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
