Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
