I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
