did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
