I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
