Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
