I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
