my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You are a genius and a whore.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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