Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
