Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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