it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
