We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
