I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
