My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
