Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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