I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
