can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
not ubering you a puppy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
