If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain