when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
