Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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