just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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