did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
