this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
