I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
