I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
