hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
