why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
