im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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