Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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