They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize