He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
