I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
