Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
