forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
