I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
