I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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