why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
