That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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