So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
