dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
