Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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