look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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