I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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