cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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