Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
